Monkey Shines

How many times have you heard the phrase "Stop this monkey business!" and immediately stopped whatever naughty thing you were upto? Have you ever thought how such association of mischeavous behavior with the term "monkey bunsiness" can be degrading to us monkeys? Today, let me give you an insight into what monkey business is all about and then you might realize that it is not easy to be a monkey!

We monkeys have only a few syllables that constitute our entire language. They are hu,hoo; he, hee; ku koo and khe khee. Now imagine speaking to each other with just a combinations of these 8 syllables. No wonder half our days are spent trying to say what you humans can do in 1 minute. For certain sentences, by the time we reach the 20th syllable, we have lost track of the first ten. Oh, so you want us to improve our language! Why should we? It's not that we are running out of time or we will achieve something great by finishing all our chores by mid-day. What are our chores? Oh, I'm sorry, I should have started with that. We monkeys have only one ritual, hukukuhekhee, which you guys know as social grooming (I wonder, who translates monkey's into your language for you guys?). The good thing about it is that it runs 24X7, 365 days a year. Through it, we find out who is putting which tree's lotion in their ears, whose skin is the darkest, who has the highest hair density on her back or who attracts the most exotic of the bugs around. Afterall, we do not have Matrimonials on Sundays and this is how word about the most eligible bachelor and the most wanted damsel spreads in our community.

We are happy with the way things are going for us, although it seems you humans are not so happy. God gave you humans the sharpest brains (although only a little more than ours, thank you!) and colored vision, which you used to create buildings, work culture and invent so many things. God was not totally ufair; he gave us something that you guys don't have - a tail. When we see you watching television, we look at our tails. When we see you wearing all the nice clothes, we look at our tails. You can have your buildings, your games, your cars... we have our tails! Recently, a fellow monkey in our community was awarded the King Kong Prize for inventing yet another use of our prized posession - a 'tail' joke. It goes as follows:

Q: Why are we monkeys so much better than humans at telling stories?

A: It's because we are always ready with a 'tail'!

Q: Why is the most beautiful damsel's story more popluar?

A: Because it's a fairy tail!

Q: Why is the story of Rapunzel so popular amogst the best groomers in our community?

A: Because it's a hairy tail!

Funny, aren't they? It might be tough for you to understand the true meaning of the creation. If you were unable to understand it, I will help you out - you were supposed to laugh. I know, it can be tough as you need to have an undestanding of art to appreciate such a masterpiece. I have also heard that the term "copy cats" has been catching on in your literature while it is actually we monkeys who are the true imitators in this world. There are few things left in this world that we do to spend our time and without it, we will stop having a purpose, and what is life without purpose? (Oh yes, we have watched Matrix as well). Why don't you spend some more time to try and comprehend the inner beauty of the 'tail' jokes while I devise a plan to protect our birth-right to imitate from the cats. Until then, goodbye, sayonara, au revoir, tschus, hukukoo!